One of the things that really strikes you about Japan in the first few weeks of living here is the politeness… and in a sense you kind of expect it too especially if you’ve read up on the country and its culture, so it’s easy to have this assumption that politeness is a trait of the Japanese.
I got fairly pissed with my good friend Sam the other night and we had a lenghty discussion about this, seeing as he’s been living here for a few years and has more of an insight into the culture than I do. And some interesting things came out.
The main one is that while Japan is an overly polite society on the surface, this politeness is only really omnipresent in the service industry - but as a foreigner, chances are your main (and sometimes only) points of contact in Japan are going to be in the service industry - whether it’s a convenience store, train station, shop etc…
I know a few people here, foreigners and Japanese, but outside of that the most contact I’ve had with Japanese people is in those situations. And the thing is that while people are overly polite you soon come to realise that it’s not quite what it appears to be on the surface.
In the service industry wherever you go (bar some of the more lowkey, local joints) people will welcome you with loud shouts of Hirashaimasse (translated as Welcome but only used by people who work in the service industry), thank you constantly and just generally utter a non stop stream of Japanese which you’re likely to not really have any clue as to its meaning. And the thing is it’s not just the person serving you, it’s everyone in the shop/restaurant/service place saying it constantly, and at the same time too…
The Japanese language has words and degrees of politeness only really used in those situations - kinda like a mini language only really used in those situations, and a few others. Which is fine, but becomes really tricky when for example you’re just trying to make yourself understood in a shop and you can’t because of it.
Why? Because of this imposed politeness on people who work in the service industry you can’t seemingly just get something without any of the extra fraff that comes with it. For example in the UK or most other European countries, if you go somewhere without speaking the language but want to make yourself understood you’ll probably speak a bit of broken lingo, gesture or mime and make yourself understood. Or the person will make it clear to you that they can’t help you - by either saying no or gesturing back.
In Japan in most cases this is seemingly not possible - because of the aforementioned over politeness that exists. Miming doesn’t seem to work too well, and even if it does people will still answer with some lengthy sentences and explanations rather than mime back or try to limit their speaking. And if you try to ask politely in broken Japanese you automatically put yourself in a situation where the person will again answer you with the full apparatus of politiness which is expected from the service industry, even more so because you were polite in the first place. Even though they can probably tell you don’t understand a word, they can’t seem to stop themselves.
And that’s what my mate and I got to - you soon realise the politeness is in reality not that polite. It’s not really meant, it’s something these people have to do, it’s automatic. At least in Europe, while most people in the service industry might not be polite or overly polite, a lot of those who are, are fairly genuine. In Japan you soon realise that’s not the case (though I’m sure it might be for some people). They just do it because they have to and it’s the way the society works. And then you start to look at the Japanese people and realise they don’t reciprocate any of it - to them it’s normal.
As a foreigner I’ve found myself thanking people back and being polite quite a lot, but as my mate explained, and Japanese friends too, you don’t have to. It’s kind of a one way thing for the most part. So you need to learn to filter out what people say back to you to see if they’re actually asking you anything or just being polite.
For some people, such as my mate, this can end up making you think that essentially this over politeness is not that nice, quite annoying and at times down right painful. Which I guess it can be, because for us it’s a fairly alien concept. But really it’s how the society works so you can’t really complain - as we said, they just can’t seem to operate outside of that framework. And to the Japanese customer it’s normal, they just tune it out.
I’d love to be able to say something in broken Japanese and be answered back in simple words, but it’s unlikely to happen in 90% of places - which is fair enough, it’s just really frustrating after a while. In a weird way it makes me long for the European style of politeness, especially the London brand of it… walk into a shop you’ve never been in and you’re lucky to get much out of the guy who works there, but if it’s your local corner shop, chances are you’ll be chatting and generally be pleasant to each other. This seems a totally alien concept in Japan - the people who work in shops aren’t there to do that. But they must make sure they’re as polite as possible, and in every way too…
And the other thing my mate mentioned was that after a year or more, you soon realise that like anywhere in the world the majority of Japanese people are not overly polite - some are polite, others aren’t. You go to someone’s house and soon realise that it’s like anywhere really. There is politeness expected in other areas of society, such as towards elders, but by and large it’s like anywhere really.
Something which I’ve already experienced quite a lot in the public transport in Tokyo. People are overly polite in the service industry, but the average joe is on some other tip for the most part. Take a train in Tokyo at busy times and you’ll find yourself pushed, shoved and generally mucked about by pretty much anyone without any words or anything. No half meant sorry, excuse me or anything… Just pushing people out of the way, ramming more people into one carriage than you would have ever thought possible (and coming from London this is saying quite a lot!) and general rudeness… which strikes you as odd, considering the general and over politeness present in the other parts of society…
That’s what I’ve really come to understand more fully about Japanese society - it’s made of a lot of contradictions, which seem to co-exist in some weird parallel way. The politeness is one thing, and after a while becomes really apparent, really quickly, especially if you’re trying to settle into a ‘normal’ life out here. And then you have things like the kind of repressed perversion and sexuality which is less apparent, but still quite obvious in some ways, and its counterpart of people not openly expressing their feelings or emotions, with the society resembling a lot of Latin countries, where men are expected to work and women to stay at home. Then you have the extensive long hours of work, dedication to the company and similar working ethics contrasted with high suicide rates, depression and other nice things like that.
It’s definitely an interesting one though, and quite fascinating to experience from the inside. And I’ve only been here for over a month…
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