You know you haven’t been in Japan long enough when…

I’ve been reading various ‘you know you’ve been in Japan for too long when’ lists recently, and thought to myself ‘why does no one ever do the opposite?’. So here it is, cos as they say if you want things done you should do it yourself. And also because I’m in a ‘trying to be funny’ mood.

You know you haven’t been in Japan long enough when…

You still wonder why the Japanese spell and pronounce curry as ‘kare’ even though their language does have the sounds ka and ri
You think people wearing face masks are freaks
You haven’t got the hang of stopping people from overpackaging your goods
You want to scream bloody murder whilst being shoved and pushed like human cattle in an overcrowded train
You still can’t tell the difference between local, semi express, rapid and express trains – they all seem to stop at the same stations
You can’t figure out what recycling colour bag is really for what much less where you’re supposed to leave them and on what day
Pet Bottles still doesn’t make any sense as a name for plastic bottles
You’re confused by all the different counting systems (surely ordering beer shouldn’t be that difficult)
The sight of noodles-inna-bun and strawberry sandwiches makes you want to barf
You haven’t got a Suica card yet
You can’t ride your bike, hold an umbrella and talk on the phone at the same time
You only have one umbrella (and it’s not white or see through)
You don’t like noodles
You think bowing to machines is freaky
You get bruises on your legs everytime you get into a cab
You don’t like the taste of canned coffee
You think cheap synthesizer covers of classic 80s and 90s tunes are freaky
You wonder why the hell is every shop playing Auld Lang Syne when it closes?
You keep trying to cook in a kitchen the size of a sink
You read ‘you know you’ve been in Japan for too long when…’ lists and think ‘you what?’